I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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