Me. At least after what I've been through.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
