The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
