You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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