i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
