I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize