If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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