just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
