there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
