I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
where are my eyebrows?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
