if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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