1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
