So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize