we're blogging at a bar
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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