babies were throwing up all over the place
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids