Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.

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  (804): You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world. http://tfl.nu/i0as
  Replies (13) Good night (2260) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings

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  (724): dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings http://tfl.nu/fi5x
  Replies (11) Good night (797) Bad night (4472) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning

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  (917): the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning http://tfl.nu/3svo
  Replies (10) Good night (5322) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook

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  (918): People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook http://tfl.nu/2iw1
  Replies (11) Good night (3958) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's

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  (214): things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's http://tfl.nu/bgm4
  Replies (35) Good night (1134) Bad night (4672) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad

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  (214): I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad http://tfl.nu/x185
  Replies (15) Good night (984) Bad night (3999) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.

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  (570): I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless. http://tfl.nu/rrlk
  Replies (6) Good night (3806) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.

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  (310): The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit. http://tfl.nu/agun
  Replies (19) Good night (5683) Bad night (1506) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young

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  (815): its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young http://tfl.nu/hsw4
  Replies (7) Good night (2329) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head

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  (780): I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head http://tfl.nu/nc7k
  Replies (6) Good night (3084) Bad night (786)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty

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  (408): I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty http://tfl.nu/k1cq
  Replies (29) Good night (1247) Bad night (2433) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last

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  (410): i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last http://tfl.nu/j9db
  Replies (21) Good night (625) Bad night (3592) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.

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  (623): He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix. http://tfl.nu/za16
  Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gonna be tough to beat that next year!

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  (508): So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party. (508): Gonna be tough to beat that next year! http://tfl.nu/374f
  Replies (2) Good night (639) Bad night (170)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  DC is easy, you will figure it out.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.

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  (617): DC is easy, you will figure it out. (508): I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this. http://tfl.nu/ltz6
  Replies (2) Good night (454) Bad night (96)

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