the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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