Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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