I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My ass is underappreciated
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
