I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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