I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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