He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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