Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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