you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?