man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram