Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".