wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.