he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies