I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.