i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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