I got chris browned last night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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