god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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