Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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