she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.