Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have demons in me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed