also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.