Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
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MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu