i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.