well you can't waste a boner
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
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it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.