As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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