Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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