tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
