my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.