just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...