He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches