the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.