"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina