i need an iv and a liver transplant
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics