if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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