Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
