I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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