So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize