there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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