So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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