About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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