a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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