He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
