I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
