The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
3 2 1 whiskey
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.