He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will