If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.