i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident