He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.