I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes