Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.