I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
