I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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