Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
