So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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