She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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