i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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