You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize